#i feel like i have increasingly become “more” autistic since i became an adult

[fxggotclown]

the past two days ive felt like i genuinely can't decipher what a majority of the text ive read said . i can't tell if it's a coincidence and it's typos or english not being the writers native language, or if it's my brain fucking up consistently.

[baku-bowl]

broke 1,000 followers (the fuck? I don't even make content people), so decided to write up a list of some (but not all, I'll make other lists later) of my favorite Bakugou-centric fic recs. my tastes run towards hurt/comfort, as you'll probably figure from the list. if there are some Baku-centric fics that you've enjoyed that aren't on here, please add them - this is definitely not a complete list of the ones I've read and love, but I'm always up for some recs. <3

fair warning, most of these are wips.

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Social Media 101 by WindsChild8178

Part 1: Survival Guide to Fucking Up

[Solely Bakugou’s point of view]

Katsuki Bakugou doesn’t have a gentle bone in his body. He’s aggressive in everything he does and does everything with 100% of his heart in it. After the Sport’s Festival, Katsuki starts to get harassed by strangers for his unheroic demeanor. It starts with letters but it doesn’t end there. The moment Katsuki realizes the harassment has entered dangerous territory and he needs to tell someone, it’s already too late.

Part 2: Post Traumatic Life Disorder

[Point of View opens up to Bakugou, teachers and classmates]

When the Dorms are finally built, everyone is settling in well, but things become tense as people begin to realize something isn’t right with the recently rescued Bakugou.

[Cannon compliant right up to after the License Exam]

hands down my favorite fic in the fandom right now. it’s the one that converted me into a Bakugou lover. if you have any fondness for Bakugou as a character then it’s likely you’ve read this one already, but if not, I can’t recommend it enough. incredibly depressing, but with the hope that comfort is coming soon in the next few chapters.

The Kids Will Be Alright, Eventually by NotWithThatAttitude

Bakugou is spiraling in the aftermath of Kamino and his friends are starting to notice. He's stubborn, aggressively independent, and less than willing to dig into his past, but after a breakdown that ends with a painful secret revealed, he starts to get help.

Whether he likes it or not.

Meanwhile, a new kind of villain threatens an uneasy peace following the loss of Allmight. Whispers build as a new narrative slowly takes shape:

Hero society needs to change.

Feat. Therapy, Dadzawa, best boy Kirishima, dysfunctional families, healing, growing up, and the mortifying ordeal of being known

guys.. the medical accuracy of this fic is just... *chef’s kiss*

I rarely see mental health genuinely handled well in fics, but this one goes above and beyond. kudos to the author for doing such excellent research into psychology, and making the application of it in here not-boring. also, while this one does have abusive!Mitsuki, it’s done in a way that feels realistic, and how I usually will see it occur in real life, rather than just for the hurt/comfort feels.

fair warning, the fic can be incredibly triggering (themes of severe depression, PTSD, panic attacks, rape survival, abuse survival, suicidal ideation/attempted suicide, among other things), so be safe and heed the tw’s if you decide to read. legitimately one of my Top Favorite fics in this fandom.

Lock and Key by autochorystalize

Bakugou made a choked, gravelly noise before croaking out a low, “You can’t be serious.” His fingers ached to blow up everything in the room.

“I’m sorry, young man, but you can’t change reality! This sometimes happens.” Recovery Girl clicked through his file, adding a new symbol in a previously empty slot.

- - -

A pair of eyes discreetly locked on to an explosive blond plowing his way forward, parting people in his path. He recognized the kid, of course. Anyone in the underbelly of society would recognize him, after the publicity of both UA’s Sports Festival and the events leading up to All Might’s fall. The uniform he was wearing cast away any doubts about the young man’s identity.

It was a bit of a surprise that the little firecracker presented as an omega.

- - - - - - - - -

Or: there are certain types of evil that seemed too distant, archaic violations and perversions that would never actually threaten bright-eyed heroes-in-training in the clean, modern world...but sometimes those evils aren't as distant as one might think.

remember when I said that I love a/b/o fics that are full of plot and world-building and gender-induced tension? that’s this one. the OC’s are fabulous and you love to hate ‘em. also, it’s the fic that made me fall head-over-heels for the TodoBaku dynamic, so it’s got a special place in my cold, dead heart. 

be warned, there are rather explicit non-con scenes between an adult (OC) and a minor (Bakugou) in this one, but the author warns for them in advance, and you could likely skip those parts without missing too much if you need to.

Never and Always, Eventually by Wawa_Boonliang

"Katsuki can remember the exact moment that he and Deku…that he and Midoriya Izuku became friends. He can also remember the moment he and Izuku became fierce rivals, a time when they were almost enemies.

However, what he remembers most clearly about their relationship is the moment that they moved passed rivals and became something more close than mere friends. Something more like brotherhood, something forged in fire and secured in the middle of a battlefield or in the midst of natural disaster where the number of the dead was climbing ever higher. And then it was torn from him."

Katsuki is given a second chance. A chance to save everyone. A chance to change everything.

But should he?

y’all. I’m a slutty, slutty whore for time travel fics. a time travel fic with autistic!coded Bakugou? it was love at first read.

Lessons Learned by Sif (Rosae)

Rather than the police station, Katsuki's friends bring him to a hospital after rescuing him from the villains. His wounds were minor, but it didn't make having them treated any less important. As it would so happen, Best Jeanist was also brought to this hospital after the attack.

Sometimes, small choices have a big impact on how a story plays out.

classic Bakugou hurt/comfort. this fic opened me up to the potential that could be a genuinely good Best Jeanist & Katsuki mentor-mentee relationship, and I kind of dig it and search ravenously for it in other fics now. I’m also a huge fan of the behind-the-scences Pro Hero Chat group.

Slope by sunfleurmoon

“I’m not a hero. Or a good person,” Katsuki says, giving Aizawa a pointed look, “So leave me alone. I don’t care about the League or UA, or you—” The two years he’s been away have been fine, more than fine, fucking fantastic actually if you ignore the bi-monthly near-death experiences. He doesn’t need this place. He doesn’t miss this place.

And yet, longing, a childish desire to tear up, or maybe blow something to bits, they all twist in his chest like a band of traitors regardless. “—I just want to go home.”

Or: the one where Katsuki and Izuku fail the first term exam, Aizawa discovers their pasts, and Katsuki is booted from UA. Featuring questionable descriptions of villain organizations, a slightly illegal moving shop, and your favorite emotionally constipated badass in distress with a newly discovered penchant for collecting strays.

paaaaaaiiiiiiiin. the hurt is ALIVE in this one. lots of tortured, angsty exploding child goodness. the OC’s are excellently crafted, and the Bakugou & Eri relationship? beautiful. definitely deserves a read.

Ground Zero by WindsChild8178

In the wake of Kamino, Katsuki is tested more than anyone could imagine. Bound by a villain’s quirk to keep his silence or die, he lives each day knowing it might very well be his last. He continues to work towards becoming a hero, keeping his secret from his classmates and teachers, focusing on making it through each day and trying not to allow the panic or depression to get the best of him. When the villain finally corners him with demands in exchange for his life, there is really only one answer Katsuki Bakugou can give.

honestly don't know which I want updated more - social media 101 or ground zero. this author's fics are amazing, and I really wasn't expecting the twist in this one. can't wait for windschild to come back to this fic some day.

The Defect by LadyGreenFrisbee

"Why do you want to win the Sports Festival so badly?" 

Because I want to see if the defect could usurp the masterpiece.

(In which Endeavor holds a terrible secret and Bakugo has to suffer since childhood for it.)

a great concept, and I adore the shouto and Katsuki sibling interaction here. hoping the author will come back to this one some day.

A Name That You'll Remember by Heronfem

Kirishima Eijirou is a Hero. Bakugou Katsuki... is not. Trapped in his toxic workplace and increasingly desperate to get out, Red Riot's days are only brightened by a new villain known as Caution, who's not exactly villainous and keeps accidentally doing good deeds. But when a real villain appears, a threat from the past that demands that Red Riot make the ultimate sacrifice to keep the public safe, Bakugou is forced into saving the day... and eventually, Red Riot himself.

sob story good guy villains are my weakness, this fic is a gem, and I'd kill for the sequel.

Our Hero by AnonymousTwit

He felt everything jerk to the side and throw his balance off before he saw anything, dust clouding his vision and irritating his lungs as the earth itself opened up to swallow them whole. For a single moment, in a millisecond's time, his wild eyes locked with Raccoon Eyes', hers alight with fear and adrenaline-fueled desperation. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he realized that it was the first time she'd looked at him with something other than long-deserved hatred in days.

And then he was free falling.

Or

After a particularly nasty encounter between childhood friends, the class learns about Bakugou and Midoriya's dark history and practically ostracizes Bakugou while trying to defend Midoriya. An earthquake during an outing has all sides regretting their decisions.

just fucking tear apart my self-sacrificing faves in every way imaginable while their loved ones watch on in terror. 💖🥰💖 this one is heavy on the Bakusquad and Class-1A feels, and VERY heavy on the Mina & Bakugou relationship (platonic).

Running back the tape, watching it replay by Faralyne

For someone ripped from their time, ripped from the few but strong relationships built by time and personal development, by self-reflection and swallowed pride, ripped from the one thing that made him feel worthwhile and needed and put-together, and forced to forge everything over again—Katsuki thinks he is handling it pretty fucking well.

Or

A villain’s quirk sends a 29-year-old Bakugou back in time to his middle school days.

am I a sucker for time travel? yes. am I a sucker for vigilante!bakugou? also yes. am I a sucker for this fic? literally refreshing the page in wait for an update as we speak.

Liability by sandelf

After All-Might dies rescuing Bakugou from the League, Bakugou is determined to prove it wasn't for nothing.

But the world is against him, his grief is overwhelming, and his stability is splitting at the edges.

very self-indulgent bakugou angst. tw for harassment, severe depression, and suicidality.

Special Mentions:

How To Win The Sport Festival: A Step By Step Guide by mhwright

Short re-imagining of the Sports Festival Arc if Shinso had planned a little better and worked a little harder to win the Sports Festival and if the match-ups had been slightly different. Self-indulgent fic of watching him succeed.

this is completely Shinsou-centric, not Bakugou-centric, but I love and adore it and am dying for a sequel. Shinsou is Best Boy here and you'll be rooting for him the whole time.

[willowashmaple]

a lot of things going on inside me this year.

It’s been often said, almost like a cliche these days, that autistic folks have “a special interest,” as though that’s the defining characteristic of what it means to be autistic. There is this stereotype (though not entirely false) depicted in the popular media of an autistic who knows just about every trivial piece of knowledge about something even as they cannot “function” (I’ll discuss the problems of the “functioning” label on another day, not now since it’s not the topic today) in just about every other way. 

What if, then, I lose interest in just about everything -- including those “special interests”? Also, sometimes those “special interests” change over time as one grows older, too. 

As I look back this couple of years, I see how I have constantly lost my interests in something that I enjoyed, and something I was rather “good at.” And I had not found something else to replace those. I used to be a rather prolific writer in the blogosphere since there was a blog. I was an experienced artist who had more than a decade of experiences in gallery exhibits. I was a dedicated activist and community organizer for many years. All these things disappeared from my life for the last 18 months or so. Honestly, I no longer feel like I’m alive; more like merely existing on the neutral. I frankly do not know how to get myself back on track and to regain the kind of zest for life that I used to have even when I had a very tough life. 

Lately I am increasingly becoming more aware of how autism informs and shapes my life far more than anything else -- something I used to be mostly unconscious of, and also something I was in deep denial about until maybe five or six years ago -- more than race, ethnicity, sexuality, religion, or political ideology. When I became first aware of it at age 18, there was no resource available to me: I was seeing the mental health for another reason (although, in retrospect, autism would’ve been the central reason why I got myself into that trouble -- I will not discuss this here -- in the first place) and the health insurance had a hard $2,000 cap per annum on mental health services. Soon I graduated from high school and I moved on with life. College felt like a better place, and so was living on my own in a studio apartment. 

The more I learned the more I feel like I have been duped all along. Most of my adult life I tried hard to pretend like I was a normal human being. I had, very few if any, friends -- and I feel like they are just barely tolerating me (and likely talking shit about me behind my back). I’ve given up on dating, since past attempts largely went nowhere (and when they did, inevitably ended up in a tragedy), let alone any serious relationship or marriage. Things did not go very well. I could not relate to people. I never understood them. I could not understand why they always wanted to “feel connection” or why that was actually desirable. I blamed myself for being a unlikable, sociopathic freak and a failure, having been conditioned by the ableist predominant culture.  

The worst part of it, unfortunately, was that I had internalized all the negative things about autism and as a result have given up on myself. I ended up believing in debunked theories such as I was utterly incapable of empathy (a scary, dangerous monster!) or that I cannot treat fellow human beings like humans with feelings and thoughts (now this one, actually it’s partially true for me: subconsciously I look at other people as though they are mere objects -- and it requires an intellectual and conscious process for me to overcome that).  

But apparently it wasn’t that I was a failure or a defect; rather, I was different from neurotypicals. And there is nothing intrinsically wrong about being different. Recent scientific researches have discovered what is now called the “double empathy” problem: in a nutshell, “there is a form of social intelligence that is specific to autistic people.” In other words, autistic people have little problem communicating with or relating to other autistic people, in the same way neurotypical folks have little problem doing so with other neurotypical folks. It is as if they are two distinct cultures or languages. Indeed, it is estimated that 1 to 2 percent of world population is autistic (this estimate appears to come from a CDC figure that 1 out of 54 children at age 8 were diagnosed autistic -- which means potential underestimate, especially among girls); nevertheless, if 1.5 percent (a conservative estimate) of the U.S. residents are autistic they would make up a sizable minority group at par with Native Americans (1.6%) or ethnic Chinese (1.5%). 

Anyways, the latest burnout hit me harder than previous burnouts. And I blamed myself for it. And now I feel like I have been duped. Burnout did not happen without years of me trying too hard to fit in, look normal, impress others, market myself, act like a “responsible normal adult,” and generally overstretching myself to the point of breakdown. This isn’t much better than forcing LGBTQ+ people to look and act “straight,” get married and make babies and pretend like they have a “normal, respectable family life.” (They are very similar!) And why would I be doing all this even though it took a massive toll on my sanity and health, if not for pleasing others, and make others feel “safe and comfortable”? 

[scribeofseshat]

A personal message to my followers:

I don’t make many personal posts on here, but this is one that I feel is important to make. Some of you are aware that I am going through a rough time right now. For those of you who are not aware, I am currently going through the process of being assessed for autism as an adult (this is, in part, why the issues with the Egyptology misinformation post upset me so much - I was already dealing with this). This was not a process I began lightly, and it has proved to be challenging, not just for my mental and physical health, but also for the assessment itself, as I do not have contact with my parents, nor would I trust them to provide accurate information if I did. It is further complicated by a childhood involving trauma and neglect, and, a difficulty that everyone seeking an autism diagnosis as an adult faces: my age.

I first became aware of the possibility approximately 5 years ago, and have gradually been finding more information since, until last year, when I began considering the possibility seriously. It is difficulties associated with this that led to me deferring from my studies, I had hoped for only a single semester, though it is seeming increasingly likely that this will be extended to include the coming semester as well, while I organise any accommodations that I need and find out if I am eligible for disability support. As of my previous appointment with the assessing psychologist, there is a strong possibility that my research and self-assessment is accurate and that I am indeed autistic. Currently, I expect that I will be given my formal diagnosis (to the best of my knowledge, one of three possibilities: autistic, C-PTSD, or both) on the coming Thursday. I am not coping well with the wait. I am fluctuating wildly between extreme self-doubt and self-acceptance, and the uncertainty of what happens afterwards, as this depends entirely on exactly what my diagnosis is, is leaving me extremely anxious, unable to plan for what comes next, depressed, and is severely impacting my ability to enact self-care. I am finding myself extremely tired most days.

I tell you this, not for sympathy, or pity, but as an explanation. Right now, my entire life is disrupted, including my ability to run this blog. I hope that I will be able to resume my usual blogging once this process is over, but for now, you may notice some irregularities on this blog; you may have noticed them already. This is because the majority of my attention throughout this process has been focussed on my side blog [Link], which I made specifically as a space in which I could discuss my experiences with this process (including learning about what autism is and how it reflects my experiences), and interact with the autistic community here on Tumblr. This, too, has influenced some of the content on this blog, as I have become more aware of my own difficulties and the context thereof, as well as experiences among the wider autistic community. While I have tried to keep posts to the blog that they are most relevant to, I have, at times, shared posts about acceptance, advocacy, and experiences here. Most of these, on this blog, have been largely ignored. To an extent this is understandable; it is not what this blog is for or about, nor is it not why most of you who follow me do so. To those who have liked or reblogged these posts, I appreciate the support that you have shown by doing so.

This process is taking a toll on my mental (and probably physical) health, and so, I ask for your support, care, and above all patience, as I complete this process. I hope that, soon, I will be able to reorganise my life, in a way that is better for me, and that allows me to live my best life, equipped with a better understanding of myself and the difficulties (and benefits) that I face on a daily basis.

[presssorg]

Bill Gross says this secret condition made him a successful investor — and infamously short-tempered

Bill Gross says this secret condition made him a successful investor — and infamously short-tempered Even after one of the most storied careers in financial markets, Bill Gross has a few surprises left. For one, he’s been diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome, the autism-spectrum disorder. Gross says he lived most of his life unaware of the condition and now believes it helps explain not only why he was such a successful investor for so long but also why he could, by his own admission, rub people the wrong way. Gross, long one of the most vocal critics of post-crisis stimulus, now sounds like a near-convert to modern monetary theory. He says deflation poses a huge challenge for central banks, admires what Japan has done to revive its moribund economy and thinks the U.S. government should consider doubling the size of its deficit. And the billionaire and registered Republican agrees with Democratic Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez that the rich should pay more in taxes — if not quite the 70 per cent she’s proposing at the margin. It’s a “necessary evil” to correct the failings of American capitalism, Gross says, adding that if inequality persists there’ll be a “revolution at the ballot box.” He even muses on who might inherit his onetime title of king of the bond market. Last Day Gross, 74, shared the revelations in a 90-minute interview with Bloomberg Television at his office in Newport Beach, California. He touched on everything from recession risks to a recent round of golf with discount-brokerage pioneer Chuck Schwab as he counted down the hours to his official retirement. Friday will be his last as a portfolio manager with Janus Henderson Group Plc, the firm he joined in 2014. It’s been 48 years since William Hunt Gross, an Ohio native, Duke University graduate, Navy veteran and blackjack whiz, started as an investment analyst at Pacific Mutual Life. He went on to co-found Pacific Investment Management Co. in 1974 and played the starring role as Pimco grew to become one of the world’s largest asset managers, overseeing more than US$2 trillion at its peak. His Pimco Total Return Fund so reliably beat its bond-market rivals that he was dubbed “the bond king.” Bill Gross at Pimco in 2000. Marc Solomon/Bloomberg files More recently, Gross has had less to celebrate. After feuding with his Pimco partners over strategy, succession and managerial control, Gross was ousted in 2014. His second act at Janus was a headline-making dud as poor returns spurred withdrawals. His three-decade marriage fell apart in a split so acrimonious it became fodder for tabloids thousands of miles away. ‘Different Universes’ That’s a lot for anyone to take, let alone a portfolio manager responsible for hundreds of millions of dollars in client money. Yet Gross says he was able to maintain focus and doesn’t blame his personal ordeals for poor investment decisions. “I’m an Asperger, and Aspergers can compartmentalize,” he said, revealing his diagnosis publicly for the first time. “They can operate in different universes without the other universes affecting them as much. Yeah, I had a nasty divorce, and I still had, you know, feelings about Pimco. But I think I did pretty well in compartmentalizing them. Not that I didn’t wake up in the middle of the night and start damning one side or the other. But when I came to work it was all business.” Shared Characteristics The reason he failed to deliver better returns at Janus is much simpler: “I made some bad trades.” Gross learned he has Asperger’s only after reading Michael Lewis’s “The Big Short.” In one passage, Lewis recounts the unusual characteristics of one of the book’s heroes, Michael Burry, a doctor-turned-investor who also was diagnosed with the condition as an adult. Gross recognized that he shared many of the same qualities and had similarly obsessive habits. He went to a psychiatrist, who confirmed the condition.

Bill Gross in 1994. KRT “It’s allowed me to stay at 30,000 feet as opposed to being on the ground,” Gross said, discussing why he thinks Asperger’s probably made him a better investor, if also infamously short-tempered. “That’s not necessarily good in terms of one-to-one. People think you’re angry or an a-hole or whatever. But it helps you to focus on the longer-term things without getting mixed up in the details.” Secret Diagnosis That’s the Bill Gross his former colleagues at Pimco will recognize. For years, they found him aloof, volatile and seemingly lacking in empathy. Symptoms of the disorder range widely, according to the Autistic Self Advocacy Network, and can include degrees of difficulty with social interactions and communication, as well as deeply focused thinking and a preference for consistency and order. Gross kept his diagnosis a secret, sharing it with close friends, and dropping only one hint publicly. In a February 2016 blog post on investing, Gross speculated as to why he wasn’t included as a character in Lewis’s best-seller: “Perhaps I wasn’t addled enough like co-star hedge fund manager Michael Burry, who I share affection for and an affliction (and it’s not a glass eye).” While Gross says he’s “sort of proud” of his condition because “it explains a lot about me,” he no longer believes it’s as much of an advantage professionally. “The markets are substantially different today than they were when I started, more day-to-day, more robotic, more machine-dominated,” he said. “So it’s not a negative, but it’s probably not as much of a positive.” Deficit Critic As a bond-market investor, Gross had to have views on monetary and fiscal policy, and he shared them publicly in the investment outlooks he posted regularly on Pimco’s website and, later, on Janus’s. One consistent thread was a critique of budget deficits, zero percent interest rates and quantitative easing. He wrongly predicted they’d spark runaway inflation and hurt returns on stocks and bonds. Now, Gross appears to be revisiting those views. Although he still believes low-rate policies destroy the risk-reward relationship in a market economy, he recognizes that the government and the Federal Reserve can work together to combat deflationary forces like America’s aging population and Amazon.com. “Why can’t the government have a US$2-trillion deficit if the Fed is simply going to buy it, like they do in Japan?” Gross said. “Well, Jim Grant would say, ‘Mmm, it would be inflationary.’ But it hasn’t been. So, yeah, I would say Trump or the next president, whoever he or she is, could go to US$2 trillion, as long as the Fed was willing to accommodate.” Restoring Balance This clearly isn’t the Bill Gross of 2012, who declared the “cult of equity” dead and predicted an “age of inflation.” He describes his politics as increasingly liberal, and he jokes that he re-registered as a Republican just to pass muster at his country club. Gross believes tax rates on high earners need to be raised to restore balance in American capitalism and fund benefits for the middle class, such as access to affordable health care. That’s why he’s sympathetic to Ocasio-Cortez, the congressional freshman who has energized the left wing of the Democratic Party, even if he doesn’t agree with all her ideas. “Maybe the next time, the next election, there will be a ‘socialist’ in the White House,” he said. “The wealthy have been advantaged for a long time and certainly the past few years with the tax cuts. The middle class hasn’t necessarily suffered, but the gap has increased.” Differing Billionaires The question is how heavy the tax burden should be. Other billionaires, such as Oaktree Capital Group LLC’s Howard Marks, have warned against the consequences of “confiscatory taxes.” Gross says a top marginal rate of 70 per cent — the number floated by Ocasio-Cortez — would be too high. “I just think Trump took it too far,” he said. Gross himself has a fortune the Bloomberg Billionaires Index estimates at US$1.4 billion. He plans to manage that money and the US$500 million in his foundation as a one-man family office. Gross said he’ll do so “conservatively,” investing in closed-end funds and municipal bonds and continuing with one of his favourite trades, selling options on market volatility. New Routine His routine, if all goes according to plan, will have him starting at 6:30 or 7 a.m., keeping at it for two or three hours, and then playing a round of golf. Gross said he wants to be remembered for investing clients’ savings profitably and helping to build a “wealth-creating machine” at Pimco. That leaves only one question: Will there be another bond market king? Probably not, according to Gross. One reason is the proliferation of passive investment vehicles. Anyone who claims to be a king of index funds is “just a puppet because the market is making the decisions.” Gross volunteered that he wouldn’t pick Jeffrey Gundlach, the chief executive officer and co-founder of DoubleLine Capital who’s frequently cited as the new king. If anyone, he said it might be Scott Minerd, the chief investment officer at Guggenheim Partners, in part because of his “great long-term perspective.” “In the right environment, 20 years ago, he could have been a bond king,” Gross said. “But I don’t think he’s got the market or maybe the willingness to be a king. Who would? Well, I guess I did. In retrospect it carries a certain burden. The crown is heavy.” Bloomberg.com Published at Fri, 01 Mar 2019 19:46:01 +0000 Read the full article

[mikemortgage]

Bill Gross says this secret condition made him a successful investor — and infamously short-tempered

Even after one of the most storied careers in financial markets, Bill Gross has a few surprises left.

For one, he’s been diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome, the autism-spectrum disorder. Gross says he lived most of his life unaware of the condition and now believes it helps explain not only why he was such a successful investor for so long but also why he could, by his own admission, rub people the wrong way.

Gross, long one of the most vocal critics of post-crisis stimulus, now sounds like a near-convert to modern monetary theory. He says deflation poses a huge challenge for central banks, admires what Japan has done to revive its moribund economy and thinks the U.S. government should consider doubling the size of its deficit.

Bill Gross, the Bond King that racked up one of the longest winning streaks of any money manager, retires

Here’s why Bill Gross’s fund lost a huge $153 million in the first half of the year

Bill Gross’s slumping bond fund sees $580 million in outflows this year amid dismal performance

And the billionaire and registered Republican agrees with Democratic Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez that the rich should pay more in taxes — if not quite the 70 per cent she’s proposing at the margin. It’s a “necessary evil” to correct the failings of American capitalism, Gross says, adding that if inequality persists there’ll be a “revolution at the ballot box.”

He even muses on who might inherit his onetime title of king of the bond market.

Last Day

Gross, 74, shared the revelations in a 90-minute interview with Bloomberg Television at his office in Newport Beach, California. He touched on everything from recession risks to a recent round of golf with discount-brokerage pioneer Chuck Schwab as he counted down the hours to his official retirement. Friday will be his last as a portfolio manager with Janus Henderson Group Plc, the firm he joined in 2014.

It’s been 48 years since William Hunt Gross, an Ohio native, Duke University graduate, Navy veteran and blackjack whiz, started as an investment analyst at Pacific Mutual Life. He went on to co-found Pacific Investment Management Co. in 1974 and played the starring role as Pimco grew to become one of the world’s largest asset managers, overseeing more than US$2 trillion at its peak. His Pimco Total Return Fund so reliably beat its bond-market rivals that he was dubbed “the bond king.”

Bill Gross at Pimco in 2000.

More recently, Gross has had less to celebrate. After feuding with his Pimco partners over strategy, succession and managerial control, Gross was ousted in 2014. His second act at Janus was a headline-making dud as poor returns spurred withdrawals. His three-decade marriage fell apart in a split so acrimonious it became fodder for tabloids thousands of miles away.

‘Different Universes’

That’s a lot for anyone to take, let alone a portfolio manager responsible for hundreds of millions of dollars in client money. Yet Gross says he was able to maintain focus and doesn’t blame his personal ordeals for poor investment decisions.

“I’m an Asperger, and Aspergers can compartmentalize,” he said, revealing his diagnosis publicly for the first time. “They can operate in different universes without the other universes affecting them as much. Yeah, I had a nasty divorce, and I still had, you know, feelings about Pimco. But I think I did pretty well in compartmentalizing them. Not that I didn’t wake up in the middle of the night and start damning one side or the other. But when I came to work it was all business.”

Shared Characteristics

The reason he failed to deliver better returns at Janus is much simpler: “I made some bad trades.”

Gross learned he has Asperger’s only after reading Michael Lewis’s “The Big Short.” In one passage, Lewis recounts the unusual characteristics of one of the book’s heroes, Michael Burry, a doctor-turned-investor who also was diagnosed with the condition as an adult. Gross recognized that he shared many of the same qualities and had similarly obsessive habits. He went to a psychiatrist, who confirmed the condition.

Bill Gross in 1994.

“It’s allowed me to stay at 30,000 feet as opposed to being on the ground,” Gross said, discussing why he thinks Asperger’s probably made him a better investor, if also infamously short-tempered. “That’s not necessarily good in terms of one-to-one. People think you’re angry or an a-hole or whatever. But it helps you to focus on the longer-term things without getting mixed up in the details.”

Secret Diagnosis

That’s the Bill Gross his former colleagues at Pimco will recognize. For years, they found him aloof, volatile and seemingly lacking in empathy. Symptoms of the disorder range widely, according to the Autistic Self Advocacy Network, and can include degrees of difficulty with social interactions and communication, as well as deeply focused thinking and a preference for consistency and order.

Gross kept his diagnosis a secret, sharing it with close friends, and dropping only one hint publicly. In a February 2016 blog post on investing, Gross speculated as to why he wasn’t included as a character in Lewis’s best-seller: “Perhaps I wasn’t addled enough like co-star hedge fund manager Michael Burry, who I share affection for and an affliction (and it’s not a glass eye).”

While Gross says he’s “sort of proud” of his condition because “it explains a lot about me,” he no longer believes it’s as much of an advantage professionally.

“The markets are substantially different today than they were when I started, more day-to-day, more robotic, more machine-dominated,” he said. “So it’s not a negative, but it’s probably not as much of a positive.”

Deficit Critic

As a bond-market investor, Gross had to have views on monetary and fiscal policy, and he shared them publicly in the investment outlooks he posted regularly on Pimco’s website and, later, on Janus’s. One consistent thread was a critique of budget deficits, zero percent interest rates and quantitative easing. He wrongly predicted they’d spark runaway inflation and hurt returns on stocks and bonds.

Now, Gross appears to be revisiting those views. Although he still believes low-rate policies destroy the risk-reward relationship in a market economy, he recognizes that the government and the Federal Reserve can work together to combat deflationary forces like America’s aging population and Amazon.com.

“Why can’t the government have a US$2-trillion deficit if the Fed is simply going to buy it, like they do in Japan?” Gross said. “Well, Jim Grant would say, ‘Mmm, it would be inflationary.’ But it hasn’t been. So, yeah, I would say Trump or the next president, whoever he or she is, could go to US$2 trillion, as long as the Fed was willing to accommodate.”

Restoring Balance

This clearly isn’t the Bill Gross of 2012, who declared the “cult of equity” dead and predicted an “age of inflation.” He describes his politics as increasingly liberal, and he jokes that he re-registered as a Republican just to pass muster at his country club.

Gross believes tax rates on high earners need to be raised to restore balance in American capitalism and fund benefits for the middle class, such as access to affordable health care. That’s why he’s sympathetic to Ocasio-Cortez, the congressional freshman who has energized the left wing of the Democratic Party, even if he doesn’t agree with all her ideas.

“Maybe the next time, the next election, there will be a ‘socialist’ in the White House,” he said. “The wealthy have been advantaged for a long time and certainly the past few years with the tax cuts. The middle class hasn’t necessarily suffered, but the gap has increased.”

Differing Billionaires

The question is how heavy the tax burden should be. Other billionaires, such as Oaktree Capital Group LLC’s Howard Marks, have warned against the consequences of “confiscatory taxes.” Gross says a top marginal rate of 70 per cent — the number floated by Ocasio-Cortez — would be too high.

“I just think Trump took it too far,” he said.

Gross himself has a fortune the Bloomberg Billionaires Index estimates at US$1.4 billion. He plans to manage that money and the US$500 million in his foundation as a one-man family office. Gross said he’ll do so “conservatively,” investing in closed-end funds and municipal bonds and continuing with one of his favourite trades, selling options on market volatility.

New Routine

His routine, if all goes according to plan, will have him starting at 6:30 or 7 a.m., keeping at it for two or three hours, and then playing a round of golf.

Gross said he wants to be remembered for investing clients’ savings profitably and helping to build a “wealth-creating machine” at Pimco. That leaves only one question: Will there be another bond market king?

Probably not, according to Gross. One reason is the proliferation of passive investment vehicles. Anyone who claims to be a king of index funds is “just a puppet because the market is making the decisions.” Gross volunteered that he wouldn’t pick Jeffrey Gundlach, the chief executive officer and co-founder of DoubleLine Capital who’s frequently cited as the new king. If anyone, he said it might be Scott Minerd, the chief investment officer at Guggenheim Partners, in part because of his “great long-term perspective.”

“In the right environment, 20 years ago, he could have been a bond king,” Gross said. “But I don’t think he’s got the market or maybe the willingness to be a king. Who would? Well, I guess I did. In retrospect it carries a certain burden. The crown is heavy.”

Bloomberg.com

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Parenting woes and ASD

I don’t like writing things about my children. It seems unfair, disloyal. I don’t share photos of them on facebook and try not to write their names online. I know it’s over the top, but it’s private. They have a right to privacy. I have been up since 5:30am because they have been ill. I am also ill and this is one of the reasons I can not sleep and I am waiting until they all get up to complain.

I don’t sleep much anyway. I worry a lot. I always did, but now this has increased tenfold.Over the past couple of years, my oldest son and I have both been diagnosed as ASD. I get by. Frankly I have doubts about my own diagnosis and think ASD is becoming a convenient blanket term for other issues, though it does explain some problems that I have. My main concern is that the diagnosis will prevent me from getting a job. Certain things, like my car insurance will also rise.

My son’s diagnosis was harder to take. It came first.Back then, nearly three years ago.  I was furious. I didn’t want him labelled and argued that he was not great at communicating because I was bad at it (now we know why). Even when he got a place at an  ASN school, I struggled hoping he would get back into mainstream. I pushed myself to help him. I volunteered at the school, became chair of the PTA- this is not me! No one else turned up, so I was literary stuck with the role, despite my protestations of unsuitability.

However, my son’s autistic tendencies remained. I have accepted it. I am not okay with it.

Why am I not okay with it? Well it’s nothing to do with him or the condition.

First of all, I don’t feel I struggle with him. I can take J*** out places. He is fine in shops, if we go to restaurants, if we go on day trips- he doesn’t have meltdowns in general. He zones out, this annoys his Dad, not me because I zone out too. J*** can have meltdowns in the house if he doesn’t get his way, especially when it comes to the computer, but I can deal with that.

He is also a loving, affectionate child. He is happy, smiles a lot. Most adults warm to him because he appears happy. He wants hugs. When I am upset he tells me not to worry, he has wiped my tears and then with a big smile offered me a hug.

Academically, he is doing well. He is ahead of his peers (even in mainstream) in Reading, Writing, Maths. He is very creative and draws and is starting to create comic books.

I feel as if we are lucky, many of the typical behaviour present in ASD children is just not there in J***.The condition itself  doesn’t rule our life.

The one thing I am worried about is other people. Children look at my son as if he is an oddity. For now, he is in a good environment. Eight in a class, all with their own issues, but they look out for each other.

The children in our street are not as understanding. They stare. On the rare occasion, J. says “hello” they can’t even be bothered to respond. Doesn’t surprise me, some of the parents are the same with me. The neighbours are starting to treat all of my children the same, even though J.’s siblings are neurotypical. My son is happy, but he feels this. He tells me other children laugh at him, that no one likes him. I am starting to see his happy, obliviousness start to disappear. Children are cruel. I remember what they are like from when I was one. I don’t have the romantic delusions that parents have, many kids (not all) go out of their way to be horrible.

It’s not just children though. We have still not established whereabouts on the spectrum my son is. He could be high functioning, he might not be, No matter what, I ask myself, everyday- what does his future hold?  Every parents asks this about their children, I do it with my other children, but with J. I ask myself will ever be able to get a job, drive a car, have a relationship, live alone.

I am not alone, I have my husband, but he doesn’t worry like I do. I am never bonding with parents of other ASD children, because I can’t identify with many of their concern and everything with people seems about the here and now. I do take each day as it comes, but I can’t help, but worry myself silly about the years ahead.

What happens if and when my husband and I die? Where will he go? What will he do?

We save money, for all of our kids future, but that will never be enough. I have never claimed or intend to claim for disability allowance for myself. I don’t feel I need it. My son does.

Our society, I think, our country (UK, Scotland) used to care. Some people think they still do, but something is changing. There is not going to be an NHS soon, if that awful woman is voted back into number Ten, disability benefits are being cut drastically. People that need help are not getting it. The mainstream media condones this. It’s great that many people with disabilities can work, inspiring that they can go and win Paralympic medals, but it increasingly the resulting comments seem to be if your disabled and CAN’T  work, you’re at it, you’re lazy and you have to deal with it alone or depend on charity.  This has been on my mind a lot recently, especially as we head towards the General Election. I really felt the need to write something after this woman bravely confronted Theresa May.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5b2yd15x3kg

People are expressing their concerns about what is going on in our society in far more intelligent, eloquent way than I am able to. This is just my tired, ill and raw emotions talking.